Moving On
by Queen of Cheesecake
Summary: Remus Lupin thought he could only ever love Sirius. He gets the chance to move on with Nymphadora Tonks. Follows the story of Lupin and Tonks from the end of HBP to the end of DH. Contains DH spoilers.
1. A Night of Passion

It was one of the strangest nights of Remus Lupin's life. Dumbledore was dead, and Lupin knew he should have spent that night with the rest of the Order, reminiscing and making urgent plans for the future. He had given in to his own selfish needs instead. For that had been the night that Nymphadora Tonks had declared her love for him once again, and this time he had been powerless to resist.

Lupin knew he was too old for Tonks. He knew he should not be burdening her with his lycanthropy. He knew he was too damaged for a girl like Tonks, that he could never give himself entirely to her. That not a day went by without him thinking about Sirius Black. He hoped that one day he would fall for Tonks, stop thinking about her cousin. It had been almost a year now, three hundred and thirty eight days to be exact. Each day, Lupin thought of what they could have been doing together, had Sirius survived. By now, they surely would have told the Order about their relationship. Everyone would have been surprised, but accepted the fact that the old friends were lovers. Sometimes Lupin imagined the individual reactions: Harry would have been initially angry–he always reacted with anger to a shock–but he would have given them his blessing eventually. Dumbledore would have smiled knowingly and congratulated them. Snape may have taunted the lovers, but his opinion meant nothing to Lupin.

That was not to be. Sirius had died, and Lupin did not think he would ever find love like that again.

Lupin knew he should not be taking advantage of a woman fifteen years his junior, a girl who was in the first flushes of her first love. He would not hurt her. He would hold her, kiss her, enjoy her company until the day he died. She would never know of his secret torment, and she would feel loved. Lupin would build his new life around this woman: he would never be lonely and there would never be a dull moment with Nymphadora Tonks around. Though he felt guilty at the thought, Lupin acknowledged that a man would be mad to deny the chance of making love to a young, lithe beauty who could change her face at will!

Perhaps, then, it was passion and desire that had driven Lupin into Tonks's willing arms. From Hogsmeade, they had Apparated to the house in which Tonks had grown up.

"Shh, my parents are sleeping," she whispered to Lupin as she let herself in through the back door. They were barely inside the kitchen when she threw her arms around Lupin and pressed her lips to his. It was an imperfect kiss, but full of passion. Lupin could feel her desire and in return felt his own mounting. Her waist was slender and her breasts pressed against him. "I'll show you my bedroom," Tonks said, grinning widely.

The room was small, and strewn with artefacts from Tonks's life. Some childhood toys, a poster of Dragonz, the wizard boyband, defaced with moustaches and devil horns. Lupin did not pay too much heed to his surroundings: he was gazing intently at the stunning witch undressing by the bed. He walked to her, as if in a trance. The pair fell to the bed, almost fully clothed and frantically made physical the longing they had both felt.

It was fast and almost desperate, a mass of writhing, shuddering limbs. The feeling took hold and for a few blissful minutes Lupin quite forgot Sirius, forgot his past and could only think of Tonks.

The couple fell asleep to whispered confessions of love, tangled together, satiated and satisfied.

That night Lupin dreamed of Sirius.

* * *

Morning dawned, and Lupin awoke to the sleeping face of Tonks, her hair short and purple. She looked so young, almost childlike. A slight smile played across her lips as though she were having a beautiful dream. Lupin did not want to move, he felt that waking her would ruin this moment, spoil her slumber while she looked so happy. If Lupin could not completely give himself to Tonks, he would make sure that all her sweet dreams came true, her every wish would be granted.

She stirred eventually. "Morning, gorgeous," she murmured.

"Sleep well?" Lupin enquired.

A sleepy noise of affirmation. Lupin kissed her forehead and rose from the bed.

"I'll be back with you very soon," he assured. "By the way, which way is your bathroom?"

"Can't we stay in bed a bit longer?"

Lupin winced. "I desperately need the loo. I'll be back in bed before you know it." He blew a kiss, then found the first door on the left.

He had not really come to use the facilities. Instead he withdrew from the breast pocket of his robes a piece of Sirius that he carried with him always. Lupin had few possessions, fewer still that he insisted on keeping close to himself. It was a note he had received more than two years ago. Though he had read it a thousand times, he read it once again:

_Moony,_

_I knows this sounds really–well–gay, but I love you. I think I have loved you since we were at Hogwarts. I needed to get it off my chest, it was driving me mad not telling you. As I will probably be in hiding forever, I suppose it doesn't really matter if you think I'm mad. If you feel the same way or even still want to know me, use a different owl to send me a letter. I hope to hear from you, Moony, so much._

_-Padfoot_

Lupin had responded immediately, gushing out everything he had felt for Sirius in the many years they had known one another. One week later, Sirius returned and the two became lovers. Nobody had ever known about what they had shared, and nobody ever would. Lupin kissed the name Padfoot, sighed deeply then folded the dogeared paper and placed it gently back in his pocket. He supposed he might as well urinate as well, while he was in the bathroom.

His cock felt strange in his hand. He remembered vividly now that he and Tonks had made love and–Lupin cursed himself–not used protection. He felt as though his insides were squirming Flobberworms. _Nothing to do about it, _he told himself firmly, trying to find a semblance of calm, _just hope for the best._

"Remus, have you fallen down the bog or something?" came Tonks's voice from outside the door. He wondered how long he had been in there, thinking of Sirius, thinking of the impending disaster – _that might not happen_, he reminded himself sharply.

"Sorry," he replied sheepishly, coming out of the bathroom.

"It's OK. My mum's cooking breakfast at the moment, will you come down with me?" She studied Lupin's panicked expression, and misread it completely. "Don't be nervous, they'll be happy for us. My parents both know how I feel about you."

Lupin took Tonks's hand and together they descended the stairs to the smell of bacon.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Lupin's anxiety faded, as it must. Every day that went by the feeling of impending doom lessened. At any rate, he and Tonks were too busy to fret about much; there was work to be done, more than ever. There were funerals to attend. Every moment of free time Lupin passed with Tonks. Every minute in her company, Lupin liked her more and became all the more determined that she should never be hurt or used.

There were times when he looked at her face and saw Sirius. Her eyes were the same shade of grey as Sirius's. Sometimes he would see Sirius's eyes turn to brown, or purple or, once, an eye-burning kaleidoscopic effect.

"Which colour do you like best?" Tonks would joke. Lupin would reply,

"Your natural colour. You don't need to mess about, because I think they're beautiful." Tonks would blush and smile, get flustered by his compliments and knock over the nearest object.

The first time he had met Tonks's mother, he had thought for a horrible second she was Sirius's killer and been thoroughly prepared to pull out his wand and murder her.

"It's not the first time I've been mistaken for my cousin," Andromeda Tonks had laughed. "I'm the nasty blood traitor of the family." Lupin had warmed to her after that. She was, after all, Sirius's favourite cousin.

Try as he might, Lupin could not stop thinking about Sirius. He lay awake at night in Tonks's arms, thinking about Sirius. Wondering if Sirius would approve of what he was doing, of him trying to move on? At those times, he would think of what he would say if he could somehow get word to Sirius. _You weren't there anymore, I was lonely, I miss you so much. I must try to live, even though you are not by my side. _He felt guilty, disgusted in himself, as he lay with Tonks and thought of his old love. Sirius would want him to move on, he knew, but Lupin felt that could never happen.

Three weeks after the night they had sworn their love, Tonks returned from a day in London with a strange look on her face.

"Remus, do you love me?" she asked, gazing at him intently, the way Sirius had.

"Of course I do," Lupin said gently.

"You love me no matter what?" she continued, her eyes growing slightly wild. "You love me forever?"

"Yes, yes I do." It was not exactly a lie. Lupin supposed he _would_ one day grow to love Tonks in a fashion, and it would be forever.

"Good," Tonks sighed. "Very good. I went to the Healer today-" Lupin knew now what was coming and the writhing Flobberworms returned. "-I was a bit late with my–you know. That first night together we weren't careful. We're having a baby."

It is strange how words, strung together, can change everything. Sirius's letter was just words on a page, yet had started the best year of Lupin's life. It had also been an indirect catalyst for the worst year of Lupin's life. And now Lupin felt himself speaking words, words which felt as though they had no meaning, but to Tonks meant everything in the world.

"Marry me," he said.


	2. The Wedding

Henry Lovatt had married many couples in years time at the Register Office. He had seen some mismatched pairs, weird families and even more bizarre wedding guests. This particular wedding was one of those odd ones. The groom looked about forty, with greying hair and a cheap, wrinkled grey suit. The bride, however, was young and vivacious, with bright pink hair and a stylish dress to match. He could not imagine what circumstances would lead these seemingly different people getting married. Perhaps the bride was pregnant and _had_ to marry him. This explanation would have made more sense if the bride weren't staring at the groom with a look of utter devotion in her eyes. _Must just like older men_.

Even their names were strange. Lovatt had struggled to keep a straight face when reading out, "Nymphadora Cedrella" and "Remus John". When one of the witnesses, the mother of the bride, had signed the register, at least he understood who might call their child "Nymphadora"—somebody with the misfortune of being named "Andromeda". The other witness was a heavily scarred man with a bowler hat perched at a very wonky angle, obscuring half his face. He was named "Alastor". A peculiar combination of names, if ever Lovatt had seen one. He did not dwell on it in particular, though. After all, he had married plenty of Ximenas, Destinys and Horatios: some people just had awful names.

The behaviour of the guests was more interesting to Lovatt. As with many civil ceremonies, there were very few present. The bride's parents: a chubby man and the beautiful dark-haired mother. They seemed normal enough. The scarred man seemed somewhat paranoid: constantly glancing at the windows and doors as though he expected something terrible to burst in. Nothing did. The other couple were ginger and middle-aged. They had seemed fairly normal to Lovatt, albeit rather badly-dressed, until a helicopter had buzzed in full view of the window. Lovatt had clearly heard the man whisper loudly to the father of the bride, "What on earth is that?"

Perhaps they were hippies. That would explain the weird names and the completely sheltered life the red-haired man had experienced.

The rings were cheap. The kiss, at least, was far less disgusting than the usual Lovatt saw exchanged between a pretty young thing and a much older man. When the group left the Register Office, several strange things happened: Lovatt could have sworn the bride's hair was light blue at the beginning of the ceremony, but it was definitely now a midnight blue, and a good six inches shorter. It looked as though the father of the bride had sprayed vast quantities of confetti out of a small, thin tube in his hand. He thought he heard the mother whisper, "not in front of the Muggle, Ted!" Maybe "Muggle" was what members of their strange cult, or whatever it was, called outsiders. As for the other things that happened, they were probably tricks of the light.

Lovatt had married many couples, and fancied he had a knack for knowing which marriages would survive and which were doomed to fail. He suspected that the groom would probably freak out in a few months' time about unworthiness and such, but if he could get over that, then perhaps it would be till death did them part.

* * *

It was not much of a wedding reception. The wedding guests sat down to a bottle of wine which Molly Weasley had cleverly Transfigured into a passable champagne. Lupin could not keep his eyes off his wife of one and a half hours. She was radiant with joy: she had just married the man she loved, and was carrying his child. Lupin felt utterly confused. He had expected to feel as though he had betrayed Sirius, but he did not. Instead he had been thinking about how beautiful Tonks was, appreciating her sunny personality and feeling as though he was not worthy of her love. That _made_ him feel guilty about betraying Sirius. A year after his death, and Lupin was married and expecting a child, and had not given a thought to the love of his life. It was a strange conjunction of emotions, and Lupin sometimes wished he could learn Occlumency to shut out all those thoughts.

"I really wish you two had accepted our offer of making it a double wedding with Bill and Fleur," Molly said, snapping Lupin's mind away from his muddled musings.

"I appreciate that, Molly," Tonks replied, "but it would be Bill and Fleur's day. I doubt _Fleur_ would have liked it all that much, anyway. Nobody wants to share attention on their wedding day. Anyway, me and Remus wanted to get married as quickly as possible."

Before Molly could ask why they wanted to marry immediately, Lupin jumped in, "I do wish we could have married at the Ministry, though, rather than the Muggle equivalent. You know how they are about werewolves at the moment." He did not want to tell people about the baby just yet. He wanted to be sure how he felt about it before people knew.

"I would have married you anywhere, Remus," Tonks said gently. Lupin saw the expressions of all the guests turn to the look that people usually give a particularly adorable kitten. Mad-Eye Moody's rendition of this looked faintly comical.

"Anyway," Arthur added, "I thought it was interesting. Never been in a Muggle Registration Office. Did you see that thing flying in the sky outside?"

"Yes," said Moody, "and I'm sure the Muggle heard you pointing it out to all and sundry."

"Perhaps," Arthur concurred, "but it was fascinating. What was it? How does it stay in the air? I mean, aeroplanes are at least shaped a bit like broomsticks."

"It's a helicopter," Ted said, "and I haven't the foggiest how they get off the ground."

The chatter continued in this vein for quite a while. Lupin drank far more champagne than he normally would, and found himself enjoying the company of the few who could make the wedding. Soon Tonks was deep in conversation with Molly, and Lupin felt his new father-in-law's face very close to his ear.

"You look like you're obsessing over something," Ted whispered. "I think I know what it is." Lupin's heart sank like a stone. How had Ted guessed? He began to formulate explanations—that he was bisexual, that he and Sirius had been together, but he loved Tonks more than he had ever loved Sirius. It was almost true, except for the last part. Such an explanation, however, was not required, for Ted continued, "you don't think you're good enough for Dora, what with being a werewolf, and being older than her."

That was partially true. Lupin still found it impossible to understand how Tonks could ever love somebody with so little to give. "You're right," he sighed, "and you forgot that I'm also poor, and badly dressed, and she's much more attractive than me."

"Remus, Remus, Remus," Ted said, clapping a hand on Lupin's shoulder, "Dora knows her own mind. We spent almost a year listening to her talk about how she didn't mind that you were a werewolf, that age was just a number to her. Money doesn't mean a thing to her either. What else was there? Oh yes, _she _finds you very attractive, thinks the grey makes you look distinguished. And as for the way you dress: have you seen some of the things that girl owns? Ripped jeans, safety pins, ancient T-shirts! She probably thinks your patched robes are the height of fashion!" Lupin chuckled at this. He would enjoy having Ted as a father-in-law. "Love knows no bounds, Remus. I mean, look at fat old Muggle-born me, married to the most beautiful of all the Black sisters! You let your concerns about all of your problems keep you apart for a year. Don't let it tear you apart now."

Perhaps it was the champagne, but Lupin felt an overwhelming urge to embrace Ted. Ted thought him good! Tonks thought him good! One day, Lupin hoped, he would actually become good and be the husband and son that such sweet people deserved. For the first time since Sirius had died, Lupin had felt a confidence in himself, a reminder that he was not just an ageing werewolf, but a person worthy of love.

* * *

Lupin followed his new wife upstairs to her—their—bedroom as early as was polite. Tonks started to apologise for the fact that their wedding night was to take place in a small bedroom in South London, with her parents downstairs, but Lupin silenced her with a kiss. He enjoyed kissing Tonks, she was enthusiastic and her mouth always tasted sweet. Sirius had—Lupin pushed the thought of Sirius from his mind, and instead concentrated on undressing Tonks, unwrapping her pale body as if it were a gift to be cherished.

They made soft, gentle love.

One of Lupin's favourite things about making love to Tonks was her pillow talk. She often did not want to go straight to sleep afterwards, but preferred conversation. The casual intimacy of lying awake chattering was something which filled Lupin's heart with joy. Sirius usually—once again Lupin banished such thoughts. He would not feel anything for Sirius.

"I'm so happy, Remus," she sighed dreamily, "I've had such a lovely day."

"Me too, Tonks," Lupin replied. He chuckled. "I suppose I shouldn't call you Tonks anymore, as you're now Mrs Lupin. Shall I call you Lupin, now?"

Tonks laughed. "_You're_ Lupin, though. It would get confusing." She put on voices and performed a little conversation, "'Oh, Lupin's coming to tea!' 'Oh, jolly good, I've got his favourite Honeydukes chocolate.' 'No, silly, _Mrs_ Lupin, the big pregnant lady.' I don't know, Mrs Lupin sounds a little frumpy."

"How about I use your first name?" Tonks frowned. "Dora?"

"My dad calls me that."

"Nympho," Lupin joked. Tonks grinned eagerly.

"Call me Tonks outside the bedroom. But Nympho is the perfect nickname for me in here." She climbed on top of Lupin and kissed him hard on the lips, on the neck, moving slowly down his body.

Hours later, the newlyweds fell asleep, exhausted. All of Lupin's careful efforts at mental censoring went out of the window as he dreamed of his life with Sirius: the kisses, the sex, the jokes they had shared. And in nightmarish slow-motion, his untimely death.


	3. Alone in the Dark

It was the third full moon since Lupin had moved into the Tonks house. On these nights, he stayed in the cellar. It was a small space, but the family had tried to make it comfortable by placing a little bed in the corner and moving out a lot of the old junk. There was no way moonlight could permeate the room, due to heavy curtains hung on the walls. The August heat had made the cellar fiendishly hot, which bothered Lupin greatly. The last two full moons he had spent hidden under the duvet of the bed. Even though there was very little chance of moonlight entering and causing his transformation, Lupin felt somehow more protected that way. It was almost too hot to bear wearing robes tonight, though he did. He would feel even more wretched sitting alone in the dark naked.

The last two full moons had been comfortable enough. He had been exhausted on both occasions from work with the Order of the Phoenix and fallen into a deep sleep lasting till daybreak. This time was different. He had been in hiding, idle, since the Ministry fell four days ago. The days before that, he had been socialising. It was certainly not enough to make a man crave sleep. The heat made it even worse. Lupin lay on the bed, sweating and wishing he could turn his mind off.

He attempted to switch his mind to pleasant thoughts, in the hope that it may alleviate the stress and aid sleep. However, he could barely think of a pleasant memory in recent times. He had seen Harry again—that was usually a pleasure. The circumstances this time had been far from ideal, with George maimed and Moody killed. That death had really shaken Tonks. Moody had been her mentor and teacher, and Tonks had idolised the man, despite feeling exasperated sometimes at his obsession with security. She was particularly distraught that there had not been a proper funeral as there had been no body. _Just like with Sirius. _Lupin had held her while she cried, tight to his chest as her delicate body shook. She had told him that she did not know how she would have coped without him.

Bill's wedding was hardly a happier thing to think of. Tonks had insisted upon being blonde, and it highlighted her resemblance to her aunt Narcissa. It had provided a painful reminder of Tonks's lineage: descended from a family of fanatical purebloods, many of whom were Death Eaters. Not far related to Bellatrix Lestrange, murderer of Sirius, with whom she also shared blood. Then there was the wedding reception—people screaming and running, chaos reigning. Forced into hiding out of fear. Death Eaters torturing Andromeda and Ted. The whole world changing.

The worst thing about full moons was that they always reminded Lupin of Sirius. The times when they were young and indestructible, making a game of it with James and Peter. Even more painful were the memories of that glorious year when he and Sirius had been lovers. It had been the only day of the month that Lupin could legitimately spend the night in Sirius's room: they had told everyone that if Lupin transformed Sirius could assume his canine form and control him. Behind closed doors, though, they stayed in the four-poster bed and made love. Grimmauld Place was a house that seemed very unwilling to let light in, and he had never transformed. Remembering how it felt to have Sirius's bare flesh pressed against him made Lupin feel more lonely than ever. He could not allow Tonks to enter the cellar; he was terrified of transforming and sinking his lupine fangs into her soft white flesh. The very thought of that filled Lupin with horror.

It was then that he realised that, despite what Ted had said, what Tonks herself had said, he should never have married her. He should never have kissed her, and certainly never slept with her. It was just all wrong. Sirius could deal with his flaws, and even turn them into a game. Tonks would not be able to be included in this aspect of his life. As for the child inside her—Lupin thought that it would be better with no father that one who could turn into a monster once a month.

The more he thought of leaving, the more he felt it was the best course of action to take. Tonks was young and pretty. She could easily find a man her own age, a man who was whole and could love her as she deserved. The man could raise the child, keep it away from tainted influences like its biological father.

One question remained. Where would Lupin go? It was not a hard choice to make. Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place had been empty since Sirius had died. Lupin knew the security enchantments about the place, he knew that none of the Order dared go there. Most importantly, he would be close to Sirius.


	4. The Decision

Lupin sat on a park bench somewhere in North London. He was not exactly sure where he was; he had been wandering for—how long had it been? It was a strange feeling, not knowing where he was or how he had got there, or indeed how long it had taken him. He was unaware of the looks he was getting, sitting there in his robes among all the Muggles eating their lunch. It must, therefore, be some time close to midday. He wondered what his next move should be.

He had left the Tonks house at about seven o' clock, before the family had woken, with nothing but Sirius's letter, a small purse of gold and his wand. He had Apparated to Grimmauld Place and found Death Eaters outside the door. Luckily they had not seen him, but it forced Lupin to make another plan. Eventually, he decided to Apparate right to the doorstep and quickly dash inside. He had been hoping to begin his life in the rooms where Sirius had lived, able to feel Sirius's presence every minute of the day.

Harry Potter had been there, with Ron and Hermione. He remembered the feeling of instant panic, the way he had heard blood pounding in his ears. They would ask why he was here, perhaps they would guess. Lupin had felt his secret like a mark upon him; surely they _must _know that he had left his wife to live, like a ghost, in the house of the man he loved. They had not asked why he was there, though. They had seemed hungry for news about the outside world, just as Sirius had been during his confinement in the old house. It had been hard breaking all the news: none of it had been good.

It was then he had seen a way forward for all of them. Harry's face was so like James's, they were alike in temperament. Lupin had supposed that, like James, Harry would have wanted assistance in his endeavours. So many years ago, James had always consulted Lupin, Sirius and Peter about the appropriate courses of action to take, and had always been grateful for their counsel. With Sirius gone, and Peter turned bad, Lupin was sure that he should help James's son.

It had not gone the way he had hoped, though. The three seemed utterly appalled at him leaving Tonks. Disgusted. Perhaps he had sounded too callous when he had said he would leave his wife and their unborn child. He had forgotten how fiercely loyal Harry was, how all he had ever longed for was a father. Lupin had not, of course, given his full reasons for why he felt the marriage was a mistake. He had not wanted to see the revulsion of the three youngsters when he explained that he was unsure if he had ever even really loved Tonks, as his heart belonged to a dead man.

He should have expected it all, of course. It had been reckless of him to try to force his presence upon them. Harry was right when he had said he was trying to _become_ Sirius, even though the statement had made him so angry he had ran. He had been wandering ever since.

Lupin looked at his feet. Some of the Muggles had clearly taken him to be a tramp and thrown loose change. One had even thrown a cigarette. Lupin had not smoked in twenty years, but felt so miserable right now that it would only be comforting. He lit it with his wand and coughed slightly. He started to feel his mind clearing, the appropriate course of action forming. It was a crossroads: he could opt for a life of loneliness, or the companionship of his wife. The solitude which had seemed to appealing earlier, he realised, would be no sort of life at all and would make him more of an outcast than ever. He would return to Tonks. There could be no other way. He had been utterly selfish, when there were so many people who needed him to make the right choices. He would no longer wallow in self-pity, but throw himself into his marriage and make a life for his own little family. When his path crossed with Harry's again, he would make sure Harry knew the changes he had wrought.

* * *

Tonks was near-hysterical as Lupin walked through the door. She flew at him, wrapped her arms tight around his shoulders and pressed her body tight against his.

"I was so worried!" she said, half-sobbing. "Where did you go? We thought that they'd _got_ you, that you'd be shipped off to Azkaban, or killed and we'd never know anything about it."

"I'm here, I'm fine," Lupin murmured soothingly. "I just…" _What? _He had been so swift to Apparate back, that he had not thought of any reason for him to have been missing from the house for hours. "I went for a walk. Sometimes it helps shake off the sickness after a full moon. It makes me feel horribly ill sometimes." He felt as sick as he said he had at the lie. It was an insult to Tonks's intelligence and he hated to use his lycanthopy as an excuse. Especially as it worked like a Get Out Of Azkaban Free card with Tonks.

"Tell me next time, won't you?"

"I will," Lupin said softly, stroking her hair. She was calmer now, though still held on to him as though he might disappear again. Lupin never would, not now. He was glad he had made the right choice, to stay with Tonks.

* * *

As a penance, Lupin suggested that they redecorate her bedroom. With very little money, it would be difficult, but with creative use of magic and a selection of paints that had been down in the cellar, it was possible. It would make a fun little project since both were in hiding and there was little else to do.

Tonks gleefully threw away a lot of old stuff without a moment's thought. She said that much of it was old and broken anyway. Lupin had teased that he, too, was old and broken, and Tonks had kissed him and said that some things were worth keeping. She did not keep much, apart from a small shoebox full of her most precious things. Lupin had no intention of looking in there, though he did feel curious about what she might want to keep.

The poster on the wall, the twee boy-band, cruelly defaced, would not budge.

"I liked Dragonz when I was thirteen," Tonks sighed. "So much that I put a Permanent Sticking Charm on the poster. I thought I'd never stop loving them. By the time I was fifteen I'd changed, but…" she gestured to the poster, and looked exasperated. "I suppose we can paint over it."

The room, when complete, looked thoroughly different. It was not perfect: two walls were white, one black, one the colour of cat sick. However, it was undeniably larger, with much of the clutter gone. It finally hit Lupin that this was now _his_ bedroom, the room in which he would fall asleep next to his wife every night for the foreseeable future. He was surprised at how comfortable he found this thought. A few days earlier, he had left Tonks, and now he was looking forward to disrobing and curling up next to her, then waking up to her kisses.

That night, there were no dreams of Sirius, and Lupin slept with a half-smile on his lips.


	5. Optimism

**Author's note: **I noticed that there have been plenty of hits on this fic, but few reviews. Don't be frightened, I don't bite. Review away :)

* * *

The next few weeks flew by. Lupin threw himself into his new life. Although neither he nor Tonks could leave the house, they found that there was still plenty to be done. They busied themselves with preparations for the baby. Andromeda had said it was unlucky to prepare for a baby so early, but Tonks insisted she wanted to do _something_. Lupin detected a trace of sadness in her, it had been present for a while now. Certainly since the Weasley wedding. He could not say for sure whether it had been there before, as he had been so consumed by his own misery that he had barely given a thought for hers. It was probably due to her no longer working; she had loved her job as an Auror, but could not walk into a Ministry run by Death Eaters with her Order connections, her Muggle father, her werewolf husband. She was so lively, and Lupin hated that she could barely leave the house. 

He thought of Sirius, how he had spent the last year of his life cooped up just like this. Tonks took it better, with optimism rather than bitterness. She truly believed that the Death Eaters would be overthrown, it would just take a little time to coordinate, and their child would live in a world of tolerance. She never gave way to the despair he sometimes caught in her eyes. It was contagious, her demeanour. Some might have said she was whistling in the dark, but if that were true, then Lupin pursed his lips and whistled with her.

One day in early September he realised something. It was Sirius's birthday. Lupin felt a tug of sadness, but it was nothing like how he had previously felt. Before, it had been as though his very heart was torn from him when his mind turned to Sirius. He understood now, fully, that Sirius was gone forever, and he must forge a life of his own. He knew that there would always be a part of his soul that belonged to Sirius, but that that could not, and would not, stop him from living. It was what Sirius would have wanted, after all.

The timing, he knew, was far from ideal. He should have moved on from Sirius _before _getting together with Tonks. He should have stopped dwelling on the past sooner, fallen in love with Tonks and then married her and started a family. He did not yet love Tonks, not in the same way he had once loved Sirius, and that filled him with guilt. Perhaps that would change. He was the happiest he had been since Sirius had died and he now felt, not constrained, but full of hope.

Tonks asked him that night, as they lay together in bed, if he had ever been in love before. It was such a coincidence for the question to come that day, of all days. He considered his options, and in the end responded with something that was almost the truth. One day, he thought, he may tell the full story.

"Yes," he said, "killed by Death Eaters. But that was a long time ago."

She had assumed he meant during the first war, and he wondered if he should correct her. He did not, in the end. Harry had been right about one thing: Lupin _was_ a coward. He still could not bear to fully release his secret.

"And what about you?" he asked, turning the question around.

"Yes," she said quietly, "he never loved me back, though." Lupin felt guilt wash over him once again, and vowed that she must never know that he did not love her either. It made him feel sick that such a vivacious, sweet girl had loved twice, and neither returned her love.

"Some people say it is our pasts that make us," Lupin said gravely, "but I do not believe that. The past is behind us, and we should live only in the present. Life's short-"

"Too right," Tonks interjected, "we could get offed by Voldemort right now if he felt like it."

"Exactly," Lupin continued. "Life's too short to dwell on the past, so it's just me and you, and our little baby in there, making a happy life for ourselves." It was strange. Sirius had once spoken to him like this. Lupin had been obsessing over how hellish it must have been for Sirius locked up in Azkaban for years. At the time, Lupin had thought it an impossible thing to ask; he had believed that the past formed a person. It did, but that was not important. It was a cruel world, crueller still if viewed retrospectively. As a tribute to Sirius, Lupin would now live in the present.

* * *

The bubble of optimism in the Tonks household burst. Ted Tonks had to go on the run, for the Ministry officials, those legitimised Death Eaters, had started to close in on him. Andromeda and Tonks were almost inconsolable in their fear for his life. Lupin felt largely useless, bringing endless cups of tea, holding hands and listening patiently to all their doubts.

When Lupin saw a person in despair, his first instinct was always to give them a few squares of chocolate. It was surprising how effective a chunk of Honeydukes Finest Milk Chocolate could be in making a person feel better. The month after Sirius had died, Lupin had gained almost a stone due to the amount of chocolate he had stuffed into his face, and it had not helped in the slightest. It seemed to work better when the pain was less intense, as it was, after all, a bar of chocolate, and not a miracle cure for depression. He had tried proffering chocolate at Tonks and her mother, but it had not helped much. Andromeda carried on weeping as she had, and Tonks's pregnancy had unexpectedly caused a major aversion to chocolate. She had retched at the taste in her mouth.

And so Lupin made tea.

"You know," he said once, "I do understand how you're feeling. You're scared and worried and absolutely longing to hear from him. I felt the same when Sirius was on the run. I—we were great friends." He could have told Tonks, then. But it did not feel appropriate when she had other things on her mind. He hoped the words would bring her comfort.

She had looked at Lupin like he would have no way of comprehending how it truly felt: to have a friend on the run, compared to a father. Andromeda had looked at him in the same way. He could have told them, then. Instead, he rose to put the kettle on.

The next day an owl arrived. It looked as though it had been wild, captured to send a note. Tonks anxiously tore the parchment from the owl's leg and stroked its feathers. The letter was written in a curly hand, unfamiliar to Lupin:

_Dora, Andromeda and Remus,  
__I'm safe. I can't tell you where I am, obviously, but I'm OK. Don't fret over me.  
__Love to all of you,  
__T.  
__P.S. Burn this letter, I don't want you getting into trouble. _

The mood in the house changed immediately. Gone were the tears. Mother and daughter embraced, and invited Lupin to join them. He did. _Love to all of you. _He was stunned that Ted had felt him part of the family enough to send love. It was such a strange feeling, acceptance and familial love; Lupin had not experienced that for years, since his own parents had died.

Andromeda burned the letter reluctantly, then, even though it was still morning, opened up a bottle of wine to celebrate.


	6. A Merry Christmas

That Christmas was the best Lupin had ever had. It was a small affair, with just Tonks and Andromeda there, but Lupin felt so comfortable. There had never been a time in his life when he had felt that everybody present liked him—more than that, _loved _him. Throughout Lupin's life, he had never felt fully accepted. Even within the Order, he had felt that there were certain people who did not necessarily dislike him, but would rather he was not present. He never knew if this aversion was in his head or it was real; if it was pity or distaste that he thought he saw.

At any rate, there was none of this at the Tonks house. He tucked into the delicious turkey dinner prepared lovingly by Andromeda. Even the Brussels sprouts tasted sweet to him. He looked to his wife, cheerily piling her plate with her third helping of roast potatoes. Her pregnancy showed now; her body was rounded, and Lupin was surprised at how she had become even more beautiful than he had thought possible.

He was not sure when it had happened, but, like her parents—like the rest of his family—he had taken to calling her by her first name. She had not noticed at first, but commented upon it one day.

"You call me Dora now," she had said. Lupin had blushed and asked if she had minded. "I don't think so," she had answered. "I suppose it's what the people I love do."

Lupin could see from Tonks's face that it was a great Christmas for her as well. She had loved the present he had bought for her; he had been quite worried about that. It was a book called _Muggle Metamorphoses_, and detailed the lengths Muggles go to to achieve what Tonks could merely by screwing up her face.

"Look at this," she had giggled, "they put this stuff in their hair that they also use to clean toilets, just to make it blonde!" At this, she turned her own hair blonde. She no longer resembled Narcissa Malfoy when her hair was fair; she was too soft, smiling far too much.

Andromeda, too, had seemed happy, Lupin thought, with his gift for her: another book, this one a memoir of a pureblood wizard who had married a Muggle, and his experiences. He had thought she might find parallels with her own life. Indeed, it turned out the wizard in question was related to her, some kind of great-uncle on the Rosier side. She had joked about what a family of inbreds Lupin had married into.

Lupin, too, had appreciated his gifts. From Tonks he had received a vast selection of the finest chocolates; from Andromeda, a selection of puzzles and games bewitched to luminesce so he could be entertained on his nights alone in the dark. Those nights were no longer torturous. He still thought of Sirius, although the memories were now without pain, without a desperate longing to return to those days. He was pleased that he had loved Sirius, enjoyed the happy memories, but no longer did they haunt him.

The greatest present, though, had been another message from Ted. It was desperately short but had bought joy to the household:

_Dear all,  
__Still OK. Losing the belly, though. Bet Dora's growing one now! I hope to see you all soon. Merry Christmas, I'm thinking of you,  
__Ted._

Tonks had stroked her own stomach and smiled.

"If it's a boy, I think I'd like him to have Dad's name as a middle name." It was the first time the subject of baby names had been discussed.

"I like it," Lupin agreed, "but what about the first name? _Something _Edward Lupin."

"Oh dear," Andromeda smiled, "Not _Edward_. Ted's just called Ted. It's not short for anything."

Tonks added, "My grandfather was also called Ted Tonks. Just Ted. The Tonks side of the family give nice, simple names. Not like the _other _side." She laughed and poked her tongue out at her mother. Andromeda took it all in good grace.

"Well, what did you expect?" she teased, "You've seen the Black Family Tree, I'm sure you agree you got one of the better names. At least you're not called Walburga or Araminta!"

"Hey, Remus," Tonks continued the joke, "if it's a girl, can we call her Walburga? You met Sirius's mum's portrait, I'm sure you agree that you'd _love_ our kid to turn out like her!" Lupin grinned broadly. He thought Sirius would have found that hilarious, had he been around to hear it.

"Only if we call it Scorpius if it's a boy," he said.

The three screamed with laughter. It was decided that the child would by no means be named after any member of the Black family, or by using the Black tradition of astronomical names, though Tonks mentioned she wouldn't mind if a son was called Sirius.

"I don't think I could call a child of mine Sirius without every day seeing Sirius Black," Lupin said. He coloured at his own honesty; he must have drunk more wine than he had thought. He worked swiftly to correct himself. "Sirius was a great man, but I wouldn't want my child turning out like him."

The conversation swiftly moved on. Lupin thought briefly of how close he had come to telling the truth. He resolved that perhaps one day he would tell Tonks the story, but not now, and certainly not in front of her mother, the cousin of the man in question. He returned his attention to his wife and mother-in-law, just in time to join a debate about whether they should listen to Celestina Warbeck or the Weird Sisters.

* * *

The wine still kept Lupin in the mood for fully baring his soul when he and Tonks finally slipped into bed. He opened his mouth to speak, but before the words could form, Tonks's sweet pink lips were upon his. It was a lovely kiss, tender and tasting slightly of mince pies. She moved her attention to his cheeks, which hurt from smiling so much. 

"Dora, I-"

"Shh," she said, placing a small finger to his mouth, "no talking. Just enjoy. It's another Christmas present." She kissed him methodically from his face downwards. Soon Lupin's mind turned from confession to those gorgeous pink lips, that darting tongue. He began to shake, to tense and finally, sweet release. A second to catch his breath, then he drew Tonks back towards him and ran his hands over her. Her breasts were bigger, now, her belly protruding. Lupin touched every inch of the body he found beautiful, teasing her until he finally placed his fingers where she had been longing. She trembled, she gasped.

"Oh, Remus," she whispered, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Dora," he answered. He had said these words a hundred times before, but they felt different this time. This time, Lupin meant them.


	7. The Shoebox

**Author's note: **It's really encouraging to know that people are reading this fic and favouriting it. I tend to hate it when people beg for reviews, but I'd really like to hear your thoughts, to know what you think about this fic!

* * *

Lupin was truly happier than he had ever been before. He felt young again, young and hopful. He knew that there was still such darkness and misery surrounding him, but he felt as though anything could be overcome. He started assisting on a radio show, _Potterwatch_, broadcasting to all who opposed the Dark regime, to those who supported Harry Potter. Every time Lupin heard Harry's name, he felt a swell of gratitude. If it had not been for Harry, he would have been lingering at Grimmauld Place, alone and obsessing over the past. Harry had instead persuaded him to move forward and with that, Lupin had fallen in love once again.

Sometimes the depth of his emotion startled him. Sometimes he looked to Tonks's heart-shaped face and almost cried. He vowed to do everything in his power to make a good world for her and their children to live in. Tonks was big now; their first child due in less than two months. Lupin appreciated her patience: she was too large to do anything for the Order right now, but had thrown herself into her domestic jobs. Before he had left, Lupin had torn his robes, and she had offered to mend them. In the meantime, he was wearing some of Ted's: they were too big.

He imagined how they all would live, when the war was won—how could it ever be lost?—together, with many children, in a little house in the country. Ted and Andromeda would visit all the time, and Harry, Ron and Hermione would always receive a warm welcome. He would ask Tonks tonight how many children she would want, and where they could move to.

He opened the door, announced his presence:

"It is I, Remus Lupin, husband of Nymphadora, returning from a subversive radio broadcast."

Andromeda called out a "hello", but there was no reply from her daughter. Lupin did not worry too much about this: her pregnancy made her tired, and she slept more than usual. Often, she was asleep by the time he returned from _Potterwatch. _He would crawl into bed beside her, slowly so as not to disturb her. She would always wake, though, and kiss him.

This time she was not in bed. She was perched on the bed sobbing, a piece of parchment clutched in her hand. Lupin's stomach dropped. His immediate thought was that Ted had been murdered, that they had caught up with him. He moved towards her, desperate to offer her some comfort.

She looked up at him with fury in her eyes. "Don't come near me, you bastard."

Lupin realised, then, what the parchment was. _Sirius's letter!_ Lupin had almost forgotten he had it. In the old days, he would have taken it with him in his new robes, but it had slipped his mind completely, and he had left it there. Tonks must think he was still obsessed. It was quite ridiculous, really, that she had only discovered of his love for Sirius because he no longer bore it. Mingled with the relief he felt that Ted had not been killed, Lupin felt a laugh rising up in him.

"Nymphadora, it's nothing," he started.

"Stop smiling! It's clearly not nothing. You've been carrying it around for years, I can tell. All this time _I_ was nothing to you, nothing!"

"Nymphadora, I-"

Tonks raised her wand: "_Langlock! _I talk, you listen. Maybe then I'll let you explain yourself." Lupin tried to respond, but found his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He had to think of a way to communicate to Tonks that she had the wrong end of the stick, that he had once loved Sirius, but now she was his world. He felt bleak, terrified: what if he would lose her?

"So, while being a good little wife, I sewed the tear in your robes. And I find your little love letter in there, close to your heart!" Her voice sounded hysterical, her body was wracked with great, heaving sobs. Lupin wished he could go to her, comfort her, explain everything, but he could see how furious she was, and was afraid she may try to curse him again if he moved any closer. "Sirius Black! He was the one who was murdered by Death Eaters, I suppose. Kingsley always reckoned there was something funny going on between you two, so did Hestia. Mundungus thought you were gay. I always said that you were just friends! Ha! I bet you find it funny that I'm such a stupid little girl."

Lupin shook his head lamely, tried to say how wrong she was, but all that came out was jumbled sounds. He felt tears of frustration spring to his eyes.

"I had an _interesting_ chat with Bill Weasley a few months ago. Apparently, Ron said you tried to leave me. I didn't mention it, because you came back to me immediately. I thought you'd just had some kind of breakdown about being old and poor and a werewolf, but now I know the truth. You went to Grimmauld Place because of Sirius, didn't you?" It _was _the truth, but she only knew half the story. How he had returned to her resentfully, but moved on from Sirius eventually, and fallen in love. "Every time you look at me, I bet you wish I was him!" Tonks's voice was rising now, she was almost screaming.

She screwed up her face, and it turned to that of Sirius Black. His grey eyes, his straight nose, his arrogant features. It looked faintly ridiculous on her pregnant body, and once again Lupin fought the urge to laugh. He realised that he was just as hysterical as his wife. He shook his head viciously, desperately tried to fight off the hex, but was unsuccessful.

"I bet I know what you're trying to say," she said coldly. Her features were her own again. "You're going to say that was in the past, that things change. Well, Remus, I want to show you _my _past. See if you like it."

She reached for her shoebox, the one Lupin had once wondered what was inside. He felt anxious; by the way she spoke, he did not think he would really like whatever was inside. It was filled with photographs.

"These are pictures of everyone I've ever fucked. I wrote a little comment on the back. Let's see," she began pulling pictures out of the box. Most were of bare-chested, attractive young wizards. Lupin was amazed at the number of them, and felt huge stabs of jealousy and inadequacy. "Here's Charlie Weasley, 'attentive'. Oliver Wood, 'too fast'. Bill Weasley, 'dreadful'—poor Fleur, eh? Oh, this one's one of my favourites. The Weird Sisters. _All eight of them. _Merton Graves, 'sloppy'; Myron Wagtail, 'tiny'; Orsino Thruston, 'the name Thruston is very apt'." Lupin tried desperately hard not to listen. He shook his head fast. He did not wish to hear this or need this.

"Anyway, I suppose you're wondering why I'm showing you that I was quite the little slut a few years ago. It is because I was in love with a man who never loved me back."

"Mm?" Lupin replied. He had meant to say, "_Me?_" He had wanted to go on to explain that he _did _love her back.

"No, not _you_. Him." She pulled out, from the bottom of the box a picture of Mad-Eye Moody. "_Finite incantatem_."

Lupin had been preparing himself for the time when the spell was lifted. He had hoped to explain everything, make Tonks see that it was her she loved. But the shock was too much. Instead, he spluttered, "_Moody?_"

"Yes," she said calmly, "I fell for him when I was eighteen. Told him constantly, but he always knocked me back. Told me I'd find someone closer to my own age, someone who wasn't a big mess of scars like he was. He was quite surprised when I got together with you, another fucked up old man."

"Do you still love him?" Lupin knew now how she had felt when she had found the letter. It was like being kicked in the stomach, like the world had stopped turning.

"Yes," she said bluntly.

In a quavering voice, Lupin replied, "Then we are different. I did love Sirius. You're right, I did try to leave you because I felt like I couldn't get over losing him. But I learned that I had to move on, and I did. I fell in love with you, Dora, and now I feel like I have lost the best thing in my life."

He turned and left their bedroom, walked down to the little cellar room he used on full moons. He wondered if he would ever feel happiness like that again: he had never expected that Tonks's affection had been anything but genuine. He would never have thought that she was like him. There were tears running down Lupin's face, but inside he felt completely numb. He did not sleep that night.

If Lupin had looked back before leaving the bedroom, he would have seen Tonks open her mouth to speak, call him back. He would have seen her pride halt her, and witnessed her fall to the bed, sobbing in anger at herself.


	8. Goodbye, Ted

The room seemed smaller each time Lupin paced around it, his mind buzzing with thoughts of Tonks. She was _just like him_. Or like he had been months ago, obsessing over lost love. But he had managed to move on, while she had not. The picture he had had in his head earlier of their little family seemed to be fading fast: there was only loneliness and sadness unless he could somehow make her love him. Lupin thought jealously of all the other photographs in the shoebox. His mind lingered especially on Bill Weasley—could there be something still going on there? It had been Bill who had told her about how he had left in August.

Lupin oscillated between anger and tears. He knew that he would have to try to win Tonks somehow, but he had no idea how. The old thoughts returned: _too old, too poor, too dangerous._ All he had to offer was his love—and Tonks now doubted that was genuine. It was hopeless.

Eventually he collapsed upon the bed. He did not know if he had slept; if he did, it was filled with dreams that echoed his chattering thoughts. He broke from whatever it was briefly, to the sound of a woman screaming, but soon convinced himself he had imagined it. Finally, he gave up lying there and decided he would talk to Andromeda; if anyone knew how to gain Tonks's affection, it would be her own mother.

When he reached the kitchen, he found Tonks and her mother in an embrace, both sobbing. Lupin immediately knew that the worst had happened, that Ted had been found and murdered. All his thoughts about Tonks seemed petty now, when he would never see Ted again; a man who had shown him such kindness, such faith, such love. It was like losing his own father all over again.

Lupin did not recall losing his mother; she had taken her own life shortly after he had been bitten by Greyback. She had been unable to live with the shame of having a monster for a son. Lupin had no real memories of those days as he had been too young and too ill. As a child, Lupin's only memories of anything approaching love had been from his father; he had been shunned by wizarding society. Then, when Lupin was nineteen, his father had been murdered by Death Eaters. Lupin had barely eaten in the weeks that followed. He became reckless, chasing after Voldemort's supporters with barely a thought for his own personal safety. If it had not been for the support of his friends, from James, Sirius, Peter and Lily, Lupin was sure he would have got himself killed.

The pain he had felt in those weeks was present once again. It was like a constant ache in his chest, his grief made physical. Lupin had felt it again when Sirius had died, though that time he had had to hide it inside himself. Instead he had allowed it to eat at him for months.

_Perhaps it was not true_. _Ted was doing so well! Perhaps Tonks was upset at the argument, and Andromeda hated to see her daughter like that._

"Remus," Andromeda said mutedly, breaking away from her daughter, "Remus, he's dead." At this, Lupin's worst fears were confirmed. He struggled to breathe, felt tears spring to his eyes. He heard a low moan and realised it came from his own mouth.

Looking to his family, to Tonks's tear-stained cheeks and Andromeda's pale face, Lupin realised something. He _understood_ how both the women felt: Andromeda had lost the man she loved, while Tonks had lost her father. He knew then that he would guide them through this dark time, bring comfort to both. He put his arms around both the women, and the three wept together.

* * *

In the days that followed, Lupin did everything he could. He wiped away tears, made sure both women were eating well, notified those who would care. He had thought his heart would break when he announced the murder on _Potterwatch_, but within himself he found the strength to move on. Even though there was no body to bury, Lupin took it upon himself to organise a small funeral: a gathering of those who had loved Ted to allow themselves to say goodbye and reminisce. More tears were shed, much wine was drunk, and everybody had a memory of Ted's kindness. 

The loss of Ted led to a resolve amongst all who mourned for him to fight on harder against the regime that had killed him. Lupin worried sometimes about the world his child was about to be born into, and once again vowed that such a world would be destroyed soon by the Order, and by Harry. He hoped every day that Harry would succeed and wished that there could be some way he could help. That was impossible, though, nobody had any clue where Harry was: the only thing anybody could do was hope, and in such a dark world, could anyone bring themselves to hope? Lupin tried.

After the funeral, Lupin went to bed with Tonks and wrapped his arms around her, to assure her of her safety.

"You've been so good, Remus," she whispered, "you didn't need to do all this."

"I did," he replied, "Ted meant a lot to me."

"I mean everything you did for me and Mum."

"When my dad died, I went crazy. I went out looking to get killed. I didn't want the same thing to happen to you. I love you, Dora, you're-"

Tonks's eyes filled up with tears, and Lupin held her tighter. "I've been such a bitch to you," she wept. "I didn't mean what I said that night." This took Lupin by surprise. He had quite forgotten about their argument; too much had happened.

"Do you mean… you know, about Moody?"

"I do. I did love him once, I think, but I haven't since I met you. I said it to hurt you."

"It did," Lupin said frankly. "I understand though. I love you so much."

Lupin kissed Tonks's forehead and wiped her tears away. Together, they placed Sirius's letter into the shoebox with all the photographs and sealed the lid with a Permanent Sticking Charm, locking the past away. Lupin felt hope swelling up in him now, and appreciated fully that he and his wife would shape the future for the better.


	9. Hello, Ted

Sometimes Lupin could not believe that there was a small person growing inside his wife. It seemed such a peculiar thing to happen. Occasionally what looked from the outside to be just a vast belly would move about on its own, reminding Lupin of the life inside it. The time was growing close, now. It could be any day. Each time Tonks winced from the discomfort of standing up, Lupin felt a little surge of panic. _This could be it!_ Each time she felt a twinge in her stomach from indigestion they would both feel a flutter of concern. Andromeda found this amusing; she would then sagely say, "It's not time yet. You'll _know_ when it's time."

The due date came and went. Lupin was starting to feel a little impatient, and worried as a full moon was fast approaching. He was desperate to meet his first child, and he knew Tonks felt the same. He no longer had any doubts in his mind; he knew that he and Tonks would make excellent parents. They would also have a rich wealth of stories to tell their child, of how they had fought Voldemort, of Ted Tonks, of Harry Potter and all the others who fought evil. Of course, when the child asked how its parents had got together, Lupin thought that an abridged story would be required; it would do no good to say, "Well, my dear, your daddy was queer and your mum was a bit of a slapper. Your mum got knocked up, and they had you. But they fell in love eventually." Lupin could now barely imagine a time that he had not been in love with Nymphadora Tonks, so strong was his feeling. He no longer worried about her previous love and her conquests; the past was, as he had said to Tonks so many months before, behind them, and they should look only to the present and to the future.

The future was taking its time to come about, though. It felt like a summer's day: electricity was in the air, and it was just a matter of time before the weather broke unleashing a storm. Tonks ate spicy food, insisted on sex with Lupin (which had been difficult, given her size), jumped about, and still the child did not come. The storm had to break soon, they both knew. It was just frustrating.

And finally, twinges of a different nature. Andromeda knew at once that the baby was coming.

"It'll be soon," she told Tonks, "but I still had to wait a day or so when I had you."

"A day?" wailed Tonks. "Anything I can do to speed it up?"

The pains soon became more frequent, though. Lupin grew worried, and suggested heading to St Mungo's.

"We can't," Tonks said, "they'd take our baby away and lock it up on a secure ward because of your fuzziness." That was Tonks's name for Lupin's condition. He found it rather sweet; it was similar to James's name for it, "furry little problem".

"What can we do?" Lupin felt panic rising up in him. He had no idea of how to deliver a baby. From what he had gleaned from shows on the Wizarding Wireless Network and the Muggle films he had watched with Sirius twenty years ago, it entailed boiling up some water. "Do you know what to do, Andromeda?"

"Not exactly," Andromeda admitted, looking somewhat strained. Lupin wrung his hands.

Tonks was very calm, considering she was the centre of the drama. "We could send for Molly Weasley," she said, "she's had seven kids, and she told me that Ron and Ginny were born at home. She'll know what to do."

Lupin nodded. It made sense. He took his wand from his pocket to conjure a Patronus. It was easy enough to feel happy to cast the spell; he was about to enter an exciting new phase of his life after all. He thought hard of the message the spell was to carry. Only then did he notice that his Patronus had a new form. Previously, it had been similar to Tonks's: a large, shaggy canine creature. His, of course, had represented Sirius. It was now a lizard-like creature. He studied it curiously as it scampered off, then turned to Tonks. She was beaming.

"That's the same as my old one," she said. "It's a chameleon."

* * *

Molly Weasley arrived moments later, slightly dishevelled and looking as panicked as Andromeda and Lupin.

"How far along are you?" she enquired. "Have the waters broken yet?" The timing could not have been more perfect, as a gush of fluid rushed from Tonks. She looked slightly mortified. "No need be coy, dear," Molly said in a business-like manner. "It happens to all of us."

The hours that followed were the longest of Lupin's life. Tonks bore the pain well, causing the older women to reminisce about their own experiences of childbirth.

"I swore my head off," Molly admitted, "no wonder some of my lot have such foul mouths."

"That's nothing," Andromeda said, "I punched Ted square in the bollocks so he could suffer like I was. He made a bigger fuss than I did, I can tell you that."

"What's it like?" Lupin asked Tonks, stroking her hair from her face.

"Ever had the Cruciatus Curse?" she replied through gritted teeth. "It's a bit like that. Don't worry, I'll live. It's going to be worth it."

Although Lupin was relieved that Tonks was not screaming or writhing in agony, he could not help but wish that some of her pain was transferred to himself. He could not bear to see his beloved wife experiencing any level of discomfort, no matter what the outcome. He felt completely useless; all he could do was hold her hand, stroke her hair, whisper words of encouragement.

And finally the end came. Tonks screamed and crushed Lupin's hand in hers. The next thing Lupin heard was the hearty cry of a baby—_his baby!_

"It's a boy! Oh, well done, dear," Molly shouted triumphantly, handing a small wrapped bundle to Tonks. Lupin sat beside her and studied the small face. He had not expected to feel anything quite so intense, but he felt a huge gushing wave of love towards the tiny child. Gently, he traced its features with his finger.

"Hello, Ted," he whispered.

"Yes, I think it wouldn't be right to call him anything but Ted," Tonks agreed.

"Ted Harry Lupin."

"No," Tonks said, "Ted _Remus_ Lupin, after the two men who I love most. I think it's a fitting name for the new man in my life."

A strange emotion welled up in Remus Lupin at that moment; he started to cry. He had never cried with sheer joy before. At that moment in time he had everything he wanted. He had his arm around the wife that he loved, touching the face of the child that he already adored. As he looked around, he saw that Andromeda, too, was welling up. Tonks looked tired yet serene, and Molly was still flapping about, mumbling to herself about the delivery of the afterbirth.

Ted Remus Lupin was handed to his father, and Lupin gazed intently at the infant. He thought it looked a bit like Tonks, though he had no idea from whom he had inherited the shock of dark hair. The baby was passed around to each person in the room, put to his mother's breast to suckle. When Lupin held little Ted again, he was surprised to see that the hair had turned as red as Molly's.

"He's like Nymphadora!" Andromeda exclaimed gleefully.

"He looks more like Remus, though," Tonks added.

Lupin grinned broadly. He could not quite believe that such a wonderful thing was happening to him. A year earlier he had been a miserable mess, and now he sat with his son in his arms. "I think we should make Harry the godfather," he said, thinking about how if it weren't for Harry, he would not be here now. He would have missed all this out of self-pity and selfishness.

"I think that's a great idea," Tonks said. "After all, Harry's going to be the one who makes the world safe for little Ted to grow up in. Go and tell him the news! He's staying with Bill at the moment."

Lupin was reluctant to leave. It felt as if the spell would be broken if he went; that he might return and find he had dreamed everything. He kissed his son, and knew then that this was real. Lupin had accidentally become the luckiest man in the world.

He stayed with Harry for a while, delighted that he had been forgiven. Under different circumstances, he would have stayed there for hours, but he could not wait to return to his family. When he got back, giddy from happiness (and perhaps a bit from the celebratory wine he had drunk), he found Tonks singing the child to sleep. The baby's hair had turned brownish now, and for the first time Lupin saw the resemblance to himself.

Putting his arms around Tonks, he wondered how he could have ever wanted to give this up.


	10. The End

**Author's note: **This is the chapter I had been dreading writing. When I finally did write it, it hurt a lot. If you have read Deathly Hallows, you'll know why. If you haven't, then don't read this chapter. It's full of enormous spoilers. Gigantic ones. Anyway, as I come to the end of this fic, I would like to thank everyone who had read and enjoyed it, with special thanks to **albe-chan **for all of her kind comments!

* * *

Teddy Lupin was an "easy baby". He rarely cried, and his parents were surprised to find that his nappies were not as disgusting as they had expected. There was one small problem. He was a Metamorphmagus, just like his mother, so every time his parents left him, they would return and he looked like a completely different baby. Tonks and Lupin had at first been startled when they put Teddy down for the night, and when he cried for his next feed he was as black as Kingsley Shacklebolt. They soon became used to this, though, especially with the support of Andromeda. She had some amusing stories to tell about having a Metamorphmagus child, too:

"I took Nymphadora to the park, once, when she was about two," she said, "I turned my back for one minute, then when I looked again I had no idea which child was mine. I had to sit and wait for all the other parents to take their kids home so I knew which one was mine. They learn to control it eventually, though, and pick a form that they like."

At least there were no other children around for Teddy to get mixed up with. Not yet, anyway, though Lupin was desperate for more.

"Not yet," Tonks would smile, "I've only just had this one. Let's give it another year at least. Do you have any idea how _taxing_ it is being pregnant then squeezing a person out of a very small hole?"

With all that was going on, Lupin almost forgot that outside there was a war raging. When Teddy smiled for the first time, there seemed to be nothing in the world but happiness and hope. Lupin was thrilled that he had been there to witness it, with Tonks by his side. He now understood how James and Lily had felt: when Harry had been born, they had spent most of their lives in hiding, but Lupin never recalled a time when they were not smiling. They had one another, and they had their child, and that was all that mattered. He wished they could see everyone now; they would be proud of their son, and thrilled for Lupin. Sirius would be happy, too, Lupin thought, to see him living a conventional, normal life that had been denied to him for so many years.

The couple even began to make plans for "when all this is over". They would take Teddy to the seaside, they would teach him all about his namesake, perhaps they would sometimes leave him with his grandmother while they went on romantic holidays. Both were confident that one day it would all be over, and a new world would be forged full of cheer and light.

A stark reminder of the evil that lurked outside of Lupin's happy little sanctuary came one evening in the form of a Patronus, cat-shaped, that spoke in Minerva McGonagall's voice.

"Hogwarts will be attacked by Voldemort tonight. Harry Potter is here. We will fight."

Lupin knew what he had to do. This was _it_, this was the night that would decide, once and for all, whether good or darkness would triumph. This was the night that Lupin must fight to secure a world fit for his young son to grow up in.

"I'm going with you," Tonks said firmly. "They're going to need as much help as they can get!"

"You can't," Lupin replied, feeling a chill descend upon him. He could not put Tonks in any danger, and there was a high chance that all present could be massacred if the wrong side won. It would be better to have her safe at home with Teddy and Andromeda than to be needlessly murdered. He tried his best to explain this to her.

"Remus, I know you're trying to do this out of some kind of chivalry, but I should be there."

"Please, Dora, I love you too much to let you do this! I can't lose you, I can't." Lupin was shocked at the desperation in his own voice. Perhaps Tonks was, too, as she nodded.

Lupin kissed each member of his family and hoped desperately that he would see them again. Andromeda wished him luck, and said she would see him soon. Teddy gurgled, and Lupin looked into his eyes for what he hoped would not be the last time. He held his child, breathed in the sweet, powdery baby smell and kissed the soft blue hair. Finally he turned to Tonks. He held her close, and felt quite unwilling to let go.

"I love you so much," he murmured. Finally, he walked out of the door, looking back at his family, then he turned and Disapparated.

* * *

Remus Lupin was in quite a quandary. The confidence he had experienced at the beginning of the battle was starting to wane. He was still alive: that was a good thing, but he was beginning to become tired. Everywhere he turned, there were more Death Eaters, each as bloodthirsty as the last. Lupin saw his old foe, Fenrir Greyback darting around, attempting to savage the Hogwarts students. He subdued the monster with a Body-Bind Curse, and was then attacked by several of the enemy at once.

He was now in his old classroom. It looked completely different, now: full of Dark objects, it had an aura of evil rather than education. Initially, Lupin thought he was in a better position, as there was now only one Death Eater to duel. However, he soon realised he had underestimated the skill of Dolohov. The wizard used a sheer brute force approach: he fired off curse after curse, leaving Lupin with no option but to use defensive magic. Aberforth Dumbledore dashed past, fired a jinx at Dolohov, but to no avail. The Death Eater continued to hurl Dark curses at his quarry.

Lupin grew so tired. He did not think he would survive this attack. His reflexes were slowing down and it was growing harder to deflect the onslaught. Just when he thought he was done for, he was saved:

"_PETRIFICUS TOTALUS_!" came a female voice. Dolohov fell to the ground, paralysed, and Lupin saw Tonks standing in the doorway.

"W-what are you doing here?" Lupin stammered. His knees were trembling. Although Tonks had just saved his life, he was terrified that she had put her own life in danger.

"I had to come. I had to be with you. I had to help."

Lupin grabbed her in a tight hug. "I love you, Dora. Thank you."

"There's time for that later," she said with a smile. "But now we have to win this battle!" Tonks applied all that she had learned in her Auror training. The two perched behind the door, Stunning any Death Eaters who passed. Occasionally, one or the other would run outside to take out any others nearby. Lupin felt glad now to have Tonks by his side. She was an exceedingly capable fighter.

Finally, though, a Death Eater broke through. Bellatrix Lestrange.

"My dear little niece!" the witch cried. "How wonderful. I see she's bought her filthy little husband with her."

Lupin raised his wand, but Bellatrix ignored him. Instead, she circled Tonks. Tonks fired a curse at her aunt, and Bellatrix cackled in delight. Soon, the three of them were engaged in a duel, though Bellatrix still seemed to ignore Lupin, except to deflect his spells. She did this easily; she was an experienced fighter. All of her energies seemed to be concentrated instead on Tonks.

"I'll teach you some manners, you little half-breed bitch. That's no way to greet your favourite aunt. _Crucio!_" The curse missed Tonks. Lupin gasped with relief.

"You're just acting like such an evil bitch because Voldemort doesn't want to fuck you," Tonks taunted. Lupin couldn't help but smile at his wife's defiance. Here she was engaged in a battle with Voldemort's first lieutenant, who happened to be her own aunt, and she was making barbs about Bellatrix's sex life. It was funny, strong Tonks all over. Lupin felt a little leap of love for her.

The smile was soon wiped from his face. The comment had enraged Bellatrix, and both he and Tonks saw the change in her. Before, she had been attacking them for sport; now it had turned into something much deeper. Earlier, they may have survived the confrontation, but it was clear now that Bellatrix would not stop till both were dead.

She raised her wand and pointed it to Lupin. "Now I'm going to kill your dirty werewolf husband." Lupin raised his own wand to defend himself, and Tonks had hers poised to protect him.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!_" cried Bellatrix. Lupin saw, with horror, that she had changed the aim of her wand at the very last second, that the curse had hit Tonks in the chest. Lupin watched with horror as the woman he loved fell slowly to the ground. It was like history repeating itself. He had watched, two years previously, as the same fate had befallen Sirius, as he had fallen backwards so slowly. Lupin thought he felt his heart breaking as he watched his wife die. _She shouldn't have been here_. The future they had planned was slowly collapsing around him.

He was dimly aware of the sound of laughter, but it became more and more acute. Lupin realised it was Bellatrix, the woman who had torn away both of his great loves. The grief was replaced by cold, hard anger. He raised his wand and pointed it at Bellatrix, who was distracted by gloating over the death of Tonks. How could anyone gloat about the loss of such a sweet, loving person? Even now, Lupin felt the world grow a little darker. Bellatrix had to die for what she had done, and Lupin would be the one to end it. Because of her, Teddy would grow up without a mother, Andromeda would lose her beloved daughter. Lupin could barely imagine what a world without Tonks would be like—all he knew was that it would be a dark, horrible place. Bellatrix had to die.

"_AVADA_-"

The curse was never finished. After her death, the Body-Bind Curse that Tonks had placed upon Dolohov was lifted. Dolohov had seen his opportunity and sent a Killing Curse into Lupin's back.

Lupin died with Tonks on his mind. He died fighting evil, he died fighting for a new world for his son. He died avenging the woman he had grown to love above all others. He was a senseless victim of Voldemort's forces, just as heroes such as Fred Weasley and Colin Creevey had been. None deserved to die, but all had played their roles in establishing victory. All had been fighting for a force much stronger than darkness: that of love.

* * *

At the age of eighteen, Teddy Lupin felt that he had lived a fairly happy life. He was distressed, of course, at having never known his parents, but he grew up so surrounded by love that he was never lonely. There was something bothering him today, though. He had had an argument with his girlfriend, Victoire, and told his godfather, Harry, about it. Harry had replied, "True love isn't always smooth. Ginny and I broke up once. Ron and Hermione were pretty turbulent. Even your dad tried to leave your mum once." When he pressed for further information, Teddy had been met with a wall of silence.

He had heard so much about how his parents had loved one another dearly, and therefore he couldn't comprehend why his father might have left his mother. He decided he had to ask his grandmother.

Andromeda had not lost her beauty, despite her face having grown wrinkled and her hair streaked with grey. She visited the graves of her family daily: Ted, Nymphadora and Remus, all laid side by side, though she had taught Teddy that death was something that made you feel sad, but you must always remember all the good things about the person, and how lucky you were to have known them. Teddy felt unlucky that he had never known his parents, or his grandfather, but until today believed that he had known everything about them.

"Gran," Teddy said, "Harry told me that Dad left Mum once. Why did they do that?"

"Oh dear, Teddy," Andromeda replied, "it's a long story, and you must promise me that you won't think too badly of your parents after I tell you this. I think you're old enough to hear it now. The fact of the matter is that they _did _love each other, but there were a few obstacles. Now, did Harry ever tell you about a man called Sirius Black…?"


End file.
